But, even if you’re not fat, if you’re a woman, you’re probably still so caught up with your toxic weight shit that you can’t even see straight. During my working life I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been part of these ridiculous workplace group diets. Almost all of the participants have been women. Sometimes they even try to bribe one another with money. They all put in ten dollars on the first week and whoever loses the most wins the pool at the end of 4 months, or whatever it is. Look, I’m like you. I’ve done it too. And at a perfectly normal, healthy weight I’ve done it. All because of a sick, shitful, ugly little voice in the back of my head that tells me I ought to be smaller.
And that’s the rub, right there. Exactly why do we want to be smaller? What exactly is the appeal of being smaller? How does it benefit us? Does it make us better mothers? Better students? Better lovers? Better artists? Scientists? Friends? Does it make us more badass badasses?
No, no, no, no, no. You must see that it doesn’t. It doesn’t do anything but make us smaller.
Babies and puppies are small. So are dimes and Skittles. You’re a fucking woman. A woman! You are entitled to occupy as much fucking space as you like with your awesomeness, and you better be suspicious as fuck of anybody who tells you differently.
Why, ladies? Why must we continue to whittle ourselves down? Who is it for? What is it for? You can walk through a certain aisle at the pharmacy or at the grocery store and see the language of diminishment all over the packaging for weight loss aids of all kinds. “Shrink your waist.” “Lose inches off your thighs.” “Slim down.” “Get skinny.”
How about “Grow your mind.” “Increase your confidence and productivity.” “Beef up your knowledge.” “Enlarge your scope of asskicking.”
That’s a valid message for women and girls: grow, expand, branch out, open up, get bigger, wider, faster, stronger, better, smarter. Go up not down. Get strong, not skinny.
You are not here to get smaller. You are not here to have a thin waist and thighs. You are not here to disappear. You’re here to change the world! Change the fucking world, then! Forget about “losing a few pounds.” Think about what you could be gaining instead.
“Don’t trust charming. Why? Because the boy who can talk all the right words knows it too well. Things like boys and love aren’t meant to be practiced like that, it should be a bit awkward- it should be raw.”—The best advice I’ve ever received. (via perfect)
So now you’re about to turn twenty and the world hasn’t gotten any bigger for you. You’re untouched, unloved, unprepared. Your parents still pay for your gas, your friends all have internships, one of them even got cast to be in a movie, you’ve got all this talent that you don’t know how to share, you just want to fuck someone, anyone, to feel a little less like an island. The man at the McDonald’s drive-thru held both sides of your hand when he handed you your change and you cried the entire way home, skin burns.
You’re about to turn twenty and you feel like you’re fifteen. You sleep for fourteen hours and still need a nap. The world is shrinking one empty heartache at a time, you’re scared you’ll never find anyone to love you, not even well. you’ll settle for anything. Don’t.
You’re about to turn twenty and they never remind you how young that is. Falling in love does not make you grow up, heartbreak does, and there is more than one way to fall apart.
You’re about to turn twenty and it’s okay if you aren’t ready, it’s okay if you aren’t ready, it’s okay.
Long Distance. What an extremely inconvenient part of love. When you’re in love, you want to see them all the time. You want to be weaved into every part of their life. You want to wake up with them right next to you breathing deeply in and out. You want to watch early morning T.V. and late night movies. You want to have dinner in or out, and make breakfast with them on a lazy Sunday morning. But, long distance takes all those little things away from you. All those sweet, daily things you do with the one you love suddenly vanish into phone calls, text messages, and skype dates. Suddenly, a text saying “I love you” or “I miss you,” become the one thing you rely on to assure yourself that what you have with that person is still real and still living in both your hearts.
Some people can’t handle long distance. Some people can’t handle not being with that person all the time. And that is totally understandable. The part that gets me is how do you live without that person then? Even if it’s just through phone calls and text messages? Do you just put that love into a glass jar on a dusty shelf and look at it when you feel lonely?
I wish you would be open to long distance. Maybe that would allow me to open up my heart to you more. Maybe that would give me the reassurance that this means more to you than a passing fling until you go home. I haven’t asked you about it, because I’m afraid of the response I would get in return.
So, instead I told you I would be your friend. But, isn’t the greatest of all loves the ones that are the greatest of friends? Am I getting myself in deeper by allowing myself to be your friend? And in turn, allowing myself to get hurt even more when you leave?
Bad Habits. You, my dear, have plenty of bad habits. You smoke, A LOT. And I’ve known plenty of smokers in my lifetime so far, so I would know. You smoke weed, more than I would prefer you did. And you’ve even fallen into the arms of a girl who wasn’t the best for you and all your bad habits. You always think the worst of yourself. You think you’re always doing something wrong, never doing enough of the right thing and always too much of the bad.
But, in spite of it all, I see what a truly amazing, kind, and generous man you are. You look at everyone with a smile that I’ve come to absolutely love. You judge no one, and always see people for the good they have in them, even if it’s deep down. I don’t look at you and see you smoking and drinking. I look at you and see you talking about your mom and your family, and your career. I see a driven, determined, strong, and KIND person. And that, was enough for me to realize that I love you.
I also love you enough to let you go. And hopefully one day, before it’s too late, you’ll realize you love me too. That you love me enough to love me anywhere you go, and for as long as time allows us.
"Time’s a slut, she screws with everything." -John Green
Sometimes we get sad about things and we don’t like to tell other people that we are sad about them. We like to keep it a secret. Or sometimes, we are sad but we really don’t know why we are sad, so we say we aren’t sad but we really are.
”—Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (via typical)
“I love unmade beds. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people’s eyes when they realize they’re in love. I love the way people look when they first wake up and they’ve forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close their eyes and drift to somewhere in the clouds. I fall in love with people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their breakdowns and their smeared makeup and their daydreams. Honesty is just too beautiful to ever put into words.”—